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Guitar Gwen

Mar 31, 2009 Guitars
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Frank Kern: Mass Control Frank’s NEW Beans: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo tackles the problem of Internet Marketers lack of RESPECT. It came across the Mid-West area called the Midwest one particular sunny summer day. Little did Frank Kern know but Chief Crazy Captain Christo does not take rejection very well. In fact, rejection is not in his vocabulary unless of course he is playing a GAME of basketball against Michael Jordan. You be the judge who would be rejected!

Back to the story, here goes the commentary floating on the Internet’s Super slow mo- dial up. It came back rejected. Try Again. Connect with SOL ( Slick Orange Lines) known to musicians as Slinky Online Licks or Guitar Strings for the functionally illiterate. Any who, Chief Crazy Captain Christo got a rejection letter from none other than Frank Kern’s secretary. Wow! What a tremendous feeling! Like a barbed wire whipping post at Golgotha if you know what I mean. After meticulously trying to set Frank up and over deliver, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought to himself,

” You know, maybe Frank didn’t quite get the gist of it. He probably thought I was trying to bring Mass Control to it’s knees but quite the opposite really!”

Oh well! Not a problem, unlike Al Gore and Tony Robbins, I actually like Frank so here goes the message on MASS “I HAVE” CONTROL (author’s note: to be read massive control!) . We interrupt the alleged conversation as it actually will take place in the year 2010 plus two.

C.C.C.Christo-” Hey Frank whazzzz up? Glad to see you escaped from Al Gore and Tony Robbins. What a couple of hack and wheezer geezers ey?”

F. RAKER ( Frank Kern’s nickname for Raking in the Bucks) -” Yeah man, thanks for the heads up. I didn’t realize how much Tony’s clients were swearing till it all came to a head one day.”

C.C.C.Christo-” By the way Frank, I really appreciate the fact that you took the time out to mail me the rejection postcard. It showed you cared enough to acknowledge a pre-customer. As you know, I don’t take rejection lightly. I learned that from Gwen Stefani from No Doubt. I got her to start her own film company called PenGwen Island. We deal only with air brush artists and models who aren’t afraid to push the envelope if you know what I mean. Great musician that Gwen!

F.RAKER- ” How the hell did you get Gwen to do it?”

C.C.C.Christo-” Are you kidding me? I told her about it and she instantly was gyrating dollar signs. Her husband actually thanked me and said , “What would you like on your Tombstone?” I told him, Keep it simply stupid, mayaz!” Have you ever seen a rock star spray milk out of his nose?”

F.RAKER-” Wow I gotta right that one down! That’s flippin awesome. Hey I gotta go Chief, you know an Internet Marketer gets no respect”

C.C.C.Christo- ” Hey Frank , I’d like to tell you a story about jumping ahead and avoiding the agony of defeat. I’m going to use some Native American imagery so bear with me hear. I’ll type slowly because some of your readers may be a little slow to catch on. Ready Frank, this one story is about Bean’s Jump. Long time ago when engineers were men and did not stare at goats, a young man decided to be the leader of men who were building a ski jump. The ski jump was a mighty ski jump. One that you had to take an elevator to the top. When you got off the elevator you had to climb some stairs to reach the tip top. When you arrived at the final destination, you could Ventura Highway a 360 degree panoramic view of Michigan and Canada. Now I don’t know about you but as a kid I remember watching ABC Wild World of Sports and the announcer Jim McKay would say those immortal words, …” and the agony of defeat” picturing the skier falling off the ski jump. Remember Frank? At the bottom of the ski jump in Michigan is a plaque that names who built the jump. That is my grandfather and his nickname was ‘BEAN’ Thanks Frank for reminding me to have fun!

Go make a video Frank and let me know you understand that the respect you cherish is within yours and everyone’s reach without the agony of defeat. Unless you are friends with Tellman Knudson, then I guess the agony of the feet is acceptable. “

This has been another installment of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay Tuned! Pumpkin Island Studios ( not a Redneck, but Orange and Green!)

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Various Artists – Ultra 2009 $17.75 Disc: 1 P!nk Who Knew (Bimbo Jones Club Mix) Gwen Stefani – 4 in the Morning (Thin White Duke Remix) Elliott Yamin Wait For You (Jason Nevins Guitar Mix)…

Fender® Monogrammed Guitar Strap $12.95 These Fender Monogrammed Guitar Straps are a favorite of true Fender aficionados. These guitar straps are 2 inches wide and have been updated with extra padding for added comfort. Buy a few and strap a different one on for each gig!

Takamine G124 Classical Guitar $179 The Takamine G124 Classical Guitar is an excellent value with quality features like a spruce top and mahogany back and sides. The gloss natural finish, rosewood fingerboard, classical style soundboard rosette, and gold and pearl tuners add a nice touch to this very affordable 6-string classical guitar. The G124, from the acclaimed Takamine G-Series, offers impressive performance at a very affordable price. Perfect for the beginner or student guitar player. Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1118G).

Fender® Starcaster® Guitar Pack $199 This Fender Starcaster Pack deliver a great-sounding, sleek-looking black Starcaster electric guitar paired with a compact but still-mighty guitar amplifier and a host of essential accessories.This Pack includes a Starcaster guitar, strings, picks, a strap, 10-watt amp with distortion, a cable, a tuner, a gig bag, guitar stand, and an instructional DVD. The highly versatile Starcaster guitar offers legendary Fender tone combined with classic styling, and it’s suited for all styles of music. It features a 22-fret maple fingerboard with dot position inlays, three single-coil pickups with 5-way switching for Fender’s trademark tonal variety, sealed die-cast tuners for consistent tuning stability, chrome hardware and a three-ply white pickguard. The synchronous tremolo bridge can be used for subtle shimmery manipulation of chords or hard-core whammy-bar excursions.You’ll also get a wide range of tones from the single volume and dual tone controls. No need to shop for the accessories as they’re all included. The package includes an extra set of strings, some guitar picks, a strap, and an instrument cable. And of course you’ll need a stand for setting down your instrument securely, and a gig bag for hauling it around.

Dean Playmate Avalanche Electric Guitar $129.99 The Dean Playmate Avalanche Electric Guitar is the perfect guitar starter for the beginning guitar player. Bolt-on Construction, Chrome Hardware, Die Cast Tuners, Single Coil Pickup, Vintage Tremolo, Basswood Body, Maple Neck, Rosewood Fingerboard, Dot Inlays, 22 Frets.

Takamine G501S Acoustic Guitar $399 The Takamine G501S Acoustic Guitar features an OM body which produces strong lower mid-ranges and versatile dynamics. The OM (Orchestra Model) body has a smaller length, depth and waist as compared to a dreadnought, making it popular for acoustic and finger-style players.The G501S 6-string acoustic guitar from Takamine includes impressive features such as a solid Spruce top and Bolivian Rosewood back and sides for excellent projection and tone, Rosewood fingerboard and bridge, and Abalone rosette. This beautiful guitar comes with a Gloss Natural finish. Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1120G).

Takamine G340SC Acoustic Guitar $299 The Takamine G340SC is a 6-string acoustic from the acclaimed Takamine G-Series with the traditional look and big sound of a dreadnought guitar and terrific tone and projection from a solid Spruce top and Mahogany back and sides.Excellent playability from its Rosewood fingerboard and cutaway body style for greater access to the higher registers of the fretboard. Added aesthetic touches include gold tuners, abalone fingerboard inlays, and a beautiful gloss natural finish.The Takamine G340SC provides beauty, quality, and value in an acoustic guitar. This is an excellent acoustic guitar for beginner or student players.Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1128G).

Takamine G128S Classical Guitar $299 The Takamine G128S Classical Guitar is an excellent value with traditional styling and materials and quality features like a solid spruce top and rosewood back and sides. Other features include a classical style soundboard rosette, gold and pearl tuners, and a rosewood fingerboard.The G128S from the acclaimed Takamine G-Series – traditional Spanish design, impressive performance, and a very affordable price. Perfect for the beginner or student guitar player. Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1118G).

Takamine G260C Acoustic Guitar $249 The Takamine G260C Acoustic Guitar features a unique FXC/Artist body style – a smaller body offering great playing comfort for smaller performers – plus a high-fret cutaway for easy access to those hard to reach notes. Other features of this unique 6-string guitar include a Spruce top and Nato sides and back. Available in 4 finishes – Gloss Black G260C-BL, Brown Sunburst G260C-BSB, Wine Red G260C-WR, and Natural G260C.Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1118G).

Dean MLX Electric Guitar $229.99 The Dean MLX Electric Guitar features a Basswood Body, 24-3/4″ Scale & 1-11/16″ Nut, Grover Tuners, Chrome Hardware, Zebra Pickups, Tune-O-Matic Bridge, Bolt-on Construction, Maple Neck, Dot Inlays, 22 Frets.The ML was designed by Dean Zelinsky in 1977 to be the guitar with the ultimate sustain and tone. The ML was created with the Dean concept of spreading the mass of the body over a large area, but the ML has something more. Radical string angles is a concept we believe adds to resonance that help a guitar become more alive. The distinctive headstock creates extra long string length, giving the ML a sound like no other! Played by many of rock’s elite over the past two decades, the ML has appeared in award winning videos, on stage and album covers and more importantly on some of rocks finest recordings. Dean has made the ML available to other manufacturers with exclusive licensing arrangements.

Dean Playmate EVO Electric Guitar $129.99 The Dean Playmate is the perfect guitar starter for the beginning guitar player.Bolt-on Construction, Chrome Hardware, Die Cast Tuners, 2 Humbucker Pickups, Tune-O-Matic Bridge, Basswood Body, Maple Neck, Rosewood Fingerboard, Dot Inlays, 22 Frets.

Fender® Patchworks Cotton Guitar Strap $12.95 Express yourself with these creative, tough and comfortable Fender guitar straps. These cotton webbing straps are 2 inches wide and feature strong suede leather ends. Choose one of these simple, customizable straps to fit your style. Fender cotton guitar strap.

Fender® Vintage Tweed Guitar Strap $12.95 This Fender Vintage Tweed Guitar Strap is 2 inches wide and 60 inches long. It employs material like that on the Fender Tweed amps and guitar cases, softened for comfort. Features stylish, brown leather ends for that old-school, authentic Fender look and feel.

Fender® Running Logo Guitar Strap $12.95 The Fender Running Logo Guitar Strap is 2 inches wide, black with a white logo and trim. It features leather ends and the trademark “Running” Fender logo.

Dean EVO Dragster Electric Guitar $349 The EVO Dragster Electric Guitar from Dean provides incredible sustain and astonishing tones from a design that blends vintage, old-world craftsmanship with modern guitar making technology. The Dean EVO represents the evolution of guitar design, with a deep dished, carved, ultra thick flame maple top on a body made of select Honduras mahogany. The Dean EVO Dragster features a neck joined at the body with Dean’s exclusive angular neck joint, specially designed for optimum playability and resonance.

Takamine GS330S Acoustic Guitar $299 The Takamine GS330S Acoustic Guitar offers genuine Takamine tone from an expansive dreadnought body. Enjoy the silky-sweet sound of a genuine solid Cedar top without breaking the bank. With the GS330S Takamine has built a beautiful instrument with truly high-end tone at an incredibly affordable price.Dreadnought; 6-string; Solid Cedar Top; Mahogany Back & Sides; Satin Natural Finish; Rosewood Fingerboard.Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1128G).

Takamine G440C Acoustic Guitar $279.95 The Takamine G440C Acoustic Guitar, from the Auditorium NEXC line, offers affordability, playability, and a big sound. NEX Cutaway; 6-string; Spruce Top; Mahogany Back & Sides; Gloss Natural Finish; Rosewood Fingerboard.The G Series offers more sizes, colors, woods than in any other Takamine family of models. Made to strict specifications, G Series instruments represent an exceptionally good value.Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1128G).

Dean EVO XM Electric Guitar $119 The Dean EVO XM Electric Guitar is a great guitar for guitar players of all levels and it’s affordable price makes it perfect for beginning guitarists. The Dean EVO XM is also a very stylish member of the lightweight basswood body family. With a blend of vintage design and modern guitar technology, it provides amazing sustain and tone for its price point. A set of Dean high-output humbuckers deliver the sonic goods, while the adjustable TOM-style bridge keeps you in tune for the length of the gig. A patented angular neck joint makes it very easy to play. The fast and solid bolt-on maple neck has a rosewood fingerboard. The Dean EVO XM also includes black hardware, 22 frets, and sealed machine heads. Case not included.

Fender® Impact Series Guitar Straps $12.95 Fender Impact Series Guitar Straps are for players looking to make a visual impact. It’s made of poly webbing for ultimate comfort and features custom, 3-D rubber ends with suede backing and a color-matched Fender logo label. It measures 2 inches wide by 75 inches long, making it an excellent choice for tall players or those who like to play their guitar down low.

Dean Playmate Student Acoustic Guitar $69 The Dean Playmate J Acoustic Guitar is the perfect 7/8 size acoustic starter guitar for students and beginners. It has a smooth set mahogany neck small enough for little hands and the neck has a rosewood fretboard with 18 frets with a large cutaway for playing leads. This Dean Playmate also features quality chrome tuners, distinctive bridge design, Blueburst finish, and a Dean gig bag.

Dean Vendetta XM Electric Guitar $134.99 The Dean Vendetta XM Electric Guitar has a fantastic looking lightweight string-thru Paulownia body with incredible resonance. Rosewood fretboard on a maple neck with 24-fret access is sweet and fleet. Dual naked humbuckers provide that dark sound while pumping out huge chunk and searing sustain. Other features include: a bolt-on maple neck, tune-o-matic bridge, vintage tremolo, and open-coil humbuckers. This guitar rocks! Case not included.

Dean Playmate EVO Electric Guitar Package $174.99 The Dean Playmate is the perfect guitar starter for the beginning guitar player. Package includes Dean Playmate EVO Electric Guitar, M-10 Amplifier, Gig Bag, Tuner, Strap, Cord, Picks.The Dean Playmate EVO Electric Guitar features Bolt-on Construction, Chrome Hardware, Die Cast Tuners, 2 Humbucker Pickups, Tune-O-Matic Bridge, Basswood Body, Maple Neck, Rosewood Fingerboard, Dot Inlays, 22 Frets.

Takamine EG340C Acoustic-Electric Guitar $379 The Takamine EG340C Acoustic-Electric Guitar has a beautiful dreadnought design with a cutaway. This 6-string a/e features a Spruce top, Mahogany back and sides, Rosewood fingerboard, and gloss natural finish. The preamp is a TP4T model so you can easily plug-in. Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1128G).

Dean Baby ML Electric Guitar $199.99 The Dean Baby ML Electric Guitar features 3/4 Body Size, Contoured Top, Basswood Body, 24-3/4″ Scale & 1-5/8″ Nut, Die Cast Tuners, Black Hardware, Dean Pickups, Tune-O-Matic Bridge, Bolt-on Construction, Maple Neck, Rosewood Fingerboard, Abalone Dot Inlays, 22 Frets.

Dean Baby V Electric Guitar $199.99 The Dean Baby V Electric Guitar features 3/4 Body Size, Contoured Top, Basswood Body, 24-3/4″ Scale & 1-5/8″ Nut, Die Cast Tuners, Black Hardware, Dean Pickups, Tune-O-Matic Bridge, Bolt-on Construction, Maple Neck, Rosewood Fingerboard, Abalone Dot Inlays, 22 Frets.

Dean Baby Z Electric Guitar $199.99 The Dean Baby Z Electric Guitar features 3/4 Body Size, Contoured Top, Basswood Body, 24-3/4″ Scale & 1-5/8″ Nut, Die Cast Tuners, Black Hardware, Dean Pickups, Tune-O-Matic Bridge, Bolt-on Construction, Maple Neck, Rosewood Fingerboard, Abalone Dot Inlays, 22 Frets.

Takamine EG340SC Acoustic-Electric Guitar $449 The Takamine EG340SC features traditional styling with modern features like an easy-to-use on-board preamp with 3-band graphic EQ and a built-in tuner. This 6-string acoustic-electric from Takamine has the traditional look and big sound of a dreadnought guitar with terrific tone and projection from its solid spruce top and mahogany back and sides.Excellent playability from its rosewood fretboard and cutaway body style for greater fretboard access. Added aesthetic touches include gold tuners, abalone fingerboard inlays, and a gloss natural finish.The Takamine EG340SC provides beauty, quality, and value in an acoustic guitar with amplification.Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1128G).

Dean Vendetta 1.0 Electric Guitar $219 A great choice for a first rock guitar, the Dean Vendetta 1.0 Electric Guitar produces that dark, double humbucker sound from a light, 25 1/2″ scale, solid-body design with a string-through body offering excellent sustain. The Vendetta 1 has a solid Mahogany body, Maple neck, Rosewood fingerboard, 24 frets, 1 volume control, 1 tone control, and a 3-way pickup selector switch. Also features solid bolt-on construction, Tune-O-Matic bridge, and Classical Dean V Ferrule Pattern.

Takamine EG360SC Acoustic-Electric Guitar $599 The Takamine EG360SC 6-string dreadnought guitar offers impressive sound and quality with a traditional look, plus modern features like an on-board TP4T 3-band graphic EQ with a built-in tuner. Other features include a rosewood fretboard, solid spruce top, rosewood back and sides, and a cutaway body style for greater fretboard access.Additional aesthetics include gold and pearl tuners, abalone snowflake fingerboard inlays, and a beautiful gloss natural finish. The Takamine EG360SC provides beauty, quality, and value in an acoustic guitar with amplification.Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1128G).

Takamine EG361SC Acoustic-Electric Guitar $599 The Takamine EG361SC 6-string dreadnought guitar offers impressive sound and quality with a traditional look, plus modern features like an on-board TP4T 3-band graphic EQ with a built-in tuner. Other features include a rosewood fretboard, solid spruce top, rosewood back and sides, and a cutaway body style for greater fretboard access.Additional aesthetics include gold and pearl tuners, abalone snowflake fingerboard inlays, and a beautiful gloss black finish. The Takamine EG361SC provides beauty, quality, and value in an acoustic guitar with amplification.Hard-shell case sold separately (model GC1128G).

Dean Playmate Avalanche J Electric Guitar $99.99 The Dean Playmate is the perfect guitar starter for the beginning guitar player. 22.7 Scale Length, Bolt-on Construction, Chrome Hardware, Die Cast Tuners, Single Coil Pickups, Vintage Tremolo, Solid Basswood Body, Maple Neck, Rosewood Fingerboard, Dot Inlays, 22 Frets, 5-Way Switch, 1 Volume, 1 Tone.

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